Mea Culpa
by antarian
Summary: Can two emotionally damaged people once again find their way back to love?
1. Max Factor

Title : MEA CULPA  
  
Author: beehr4shiri (aka antarian female)  
  
Disclaimer: Proud owner of NOTHING...yet! But I have it in my planner! (wink(  
  
Category: M/L, AU (and other CC couples)  
  
Rating: PG (and maybe some R/NC-17 parts later, but I will warn)  
  
Summary: Can two emotionally damaged people once again find their way back to love?  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Author note: Peeps, feedback is essential! More feedback, more story, please? (tongue(Any feedback! Cause I suffer from these periods of self- pity, when I don`t get feedback, and then I start having writers block, which finally leads to apathy. And than all I wanna do is lay in my bed for days and watch my Roswell tapes! So PLEASE, leave feedback and I will be eternally greatful!(angel(OK, I think you get the gist of it. I`m out...(grin(  
  
  
  
Part 1  
  
  
  
***************************  
  
  
  
(b( It's been a while  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
It's been awhile  
  
Since I first saw you  
  
It's been awhile  
  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
  
It's been awhile  
  
Since I could call you(/b(  
  
  
  
Sun was slowly lowering on the horizon, bringing closer yet another night over Roswell, Nex Mexico. One of city`s hottest summers ever was on its dying breath and towners were counting seconds until sudden breeze would hit the streets, bringing some so much needed relief. Hours passed by and soon, after midnight struck, most homues were lulled into sleep. Only few steps beyond city limits, a house was still lit.  
  
It was smaller, more family - styled building, inspiring awe and closeness in viewer`s mind, but nothing even similar was close to the situation playing out inside of it. In one of the rooms, man and woman led deeply emotional discussion. From time to time, a woman would hiccup and swallow lines of tears that fell down her cheeks.  
  
Man stood by the window, feeling lost, with his back to her, looking out in the night. He was shaking his head.  
  
Didn`t she understand why he was doing this? Didn`t she see how much being in this house hurt?  
  
"Max, please! Can`t you just deal with it here? With us, your family? Do you really have to move to the other side of the country?" cried huskily Isabel Evans, young pediatrician and only sister to the man in question.  
  
Just one year older than Max, Isabel lived through everything her brother did. But if she ever had the chance to have her wish coming true, it would be for past 5 years to be brought back.  
  
A man painfully sighed, closing his eyes at the onsloth of despere.  
  
"Iz..."  
  
There was nothing more to say. He just needed to get out of this town.  
  
He knew he couldn`t turn back time and save one person he cherished most at that stage of his life, but why was that all he ever tried doing was exactly that?. He didn`t deserve to be happy...  
  
Tess, his girlfriend of 3 years, was gone and Max felt as if there was nothing left to live for in this world. And they were so full of life and plansthat day 5 years ago. Why didn`t he see that damn truck coming their way? Why did she die in that car and he lived?  
  
God, if life wanted to pull a joke on him, it sure did its job well!  
  
And to think that prom was meant as something to be remembered all his life...  
  
Oh, yeah, he sure remembered it well!  
  
Instead cries of ecstasy, as two of them planned to make love together for the first time, right after the prom, that night only cries of pain came from burning vehicle at the bottom of the canyon...life-chilling screams that travelled through the air at the speed of light, as if trying to reach its destination as fast as possible, bringing ultimate pain.  
  
And as he layed 500 feet from the car, thrown out of it as they flew over the edge, his both legs and his left arm broken, he saw helplessly his entire future extinguished in the flames.  
  
Next thing he knew, he woke up in the hospital one month later, anguished and alone, remembering the accident as if it happened yesterday. Only thing that he didn`t want to remember was etched deep in his mind, leaving him staring for days with blank eyes out the hospital window.  
  
What was point of loving when all you ever got in return was pain? Where was this wonderful and fulfilling existence that was promised to him long ago? When was HIS turn to finally be happy?  
  
Woman`s cry brought Max out of his thoughts. Isabel, his dear sister weeped her heart out. God, he wished he didn`t hurt people around him with everything he did! Isabel certainly didn`t deserve that from him, since she was the sweetest he knew. But, still Max felt as if he was coming short of air lately.  
  
"Max, you promise to call and write every day? I need to know you are alright." pleaded Isabel desperately to her brother.  
  
Max glanced at her slowly, wanting so muchto just pull her in his arms and say that she didn`t need to cry for him, but he stopped himself. He will just leave for a while and maybe some time away from everything will make him come to terms with his life...  
  
Then he nodded, aknowledging her pleads. Isabel smiled through her tears and Max, although trying to stay as unemotional as possible, he couldn`t stop smallest of smiles from forming on his lips.  
  
"And, Max, any time you need to talk, you know you can call me. Whenever you`re ready, I`ll be there to do my best to help you as always, you do know that, right?" asked Isabel.  
  
Max once more nodded.  
  
"Is, maybe you should go home. Mom and dad are probably asking themselves where the hell are you at this time of night!"  
  
Although tears formed in his amber eyes, Max laughed. Is grinned.  
  
"Yeah, I`m sure they think I`m parading through Roswell on some hunk`s hand!"  
  
Both laughed now. It felt so good to laugh...  
  
"So, you want me to come tommorrow to see you off?" Max shook his head.  
  
"No, Iz, you know how much I hate long goodbyes. Anyway, I`ll call you the minute I find a place to stay, so you didn`t have to worry, OK? Izzy, you understand I have to do this, right?  
  
It`s been 5 years and I can`t sleep through the night without waking up screaming.  
  
I feel like any day now I will just stop breathing..." choked Max painful sigh.  
  
Isabel looked at her brother with sympathy. He was so msitreated by life, it wasn`t even funny...  
  
She stood up, walked over to where Max stood and pulled him in a tight hug. He hugged her closely, resting his chin on her shoulder.  
  
"Just call me. I will explain to our parents some of the reasons for your departure."  
  
With that said, siblings separated and Max followed his older sister to the door. Before leaving the house, Isabel turned to Max, with last minute advice.  
  
"Max, please, don`t shut people out. Whether you believe it now or not, there still is someone just for you out there in the world. You just have to try and open up your heart to love..."  
  
Max said nothing to that. There was nothing he would want more than to be able to love again, but his heart just wasn`t alive anymore. And anyway, the safest way was to just not feel ANYTHING...  
  
So he hugged Isabel, kissed her forehead, saying goodbye to one person he trusted with all his heart. And with sound of a car leaving his driveway, one chapter of his life closed.  
  
Now all he had to do was get out of here and try to forget the past. 


	2. Lizs road

Guys, guyz...Thank you SO MUCH for all this lovely feedback! (grin( Just keep it coming! (wink(  
  
I really hope you all will stick around...(tongue(  
  
OK, and don`t kill me after you read Liz`s life story, cause believe me, in the end, it feel be worth it for both Liz and Max, k? (angel(  
  
Well, now onto some questions I CAN answer...  
  
Eccentric One - In the next part Liz and Max will meet, but...well, lets just say, not every match is made in heaven! grin And about years...well, Max is 23 and Liz is 22 now, actually few months younger than Max. So he was 15 (highschool freshman) when he and Tess were dating.  
  
  
  
Part 2  
  
  
  
*************************  
  
  
  
(b(It seems so far to go  
  
It took so long to get here  
  
Now I'm saying things I swore  
  
I'd never say and I'm afraid again  
  
I thought I had it in me  
  
I used to be so sure  
  
There I was stronger than ever  
  
And here I am blaming the hurt  
  
And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again  
  
/If I fall by Tara McLean/(/b(  
  
  
  
"Mom, I`m going to New York and you can`t stop me!" exclaimed Liz Parker and her hand flew automaticly to her stomach in protection.  
  
Albequerque, New Mexico has been home to Liz Parker all her life. She lived for the last 10 years with her mother, since her dad died in car accident, when drunk driver ran straight at him as he crossed the road on his way home from work. They had small restaurant 5 miles away from the centre of Albequerque.  
  
She could say her family life was almost like out of the fairytale until that point, but all their lives changed that night. Her mother just couldn`t deal with everything that happened and closed herself off. Next step was to start drinking...  
  
Liz knew two of them loved each other very much and her mom started to fade away when her dad passed away. How she missed him...  
  
Soon, restaurant started to fall through, since nothing could really hold interest for her mother anymore, and Liz was left to grow up by herself, even as she lived with a parent. Mother and daugther existed together, but just on the outside. Inside, they were as far from each other as it was possible to be and both were bleeding.  
  
In school, Liz mostly stood out like an outsider looking in and counted her days before she could leave home for college. She never had a boyfriend, since she just couldn`t let herself go and trust anybody. After all, only man she ever loved and trusted, left her and mom behind...  
  
Conciously, Liz was awawe her dad couldn`t really choose, but irrationality won over at times like this. It was easier, really, to jsut blame entire male population for the life she and her mother had.  
  
So, 5 long years after she was out of highschool and right after getting her diploma from Community college in English literature, Liz decided it was time to leave "the nest".  
  
There was nothing to hold her here.  
  
She won`t subject her child to a life with grandmother that didn`t care about anything but when her next `drink` will arrive on the table! It was too painful for Liz to watch her own mother self-destruct in such a manner. And men!  
  
Two things she wanted to get as far as possible. Her mother and men.  
  
Liz felt tears finding their way to her eyes, but she swallowed them away and kept on putting her things in the last bag, that stood open on her bed.  
  
God, first guy she opens herself up to and it figures...He got what he wanted and split, living her pregnant. Well, her mother certainly had a field day with that one, acting on Liz as if she was 10 years old and not going on 23rd. But Liz was adamant to keep the baby. After all, this child didn`t have anything with Sean`s stupidity, and she always yearned for children. This one just came little earlier than expected.  
  
Still, Liz decided once and for all, she was through with men. They just weren`t worthy all the pain they caused...  
  
"Liz, where will you live in New York? That city isn`t exactly cheap!" asked her surprisingly sober mother.  
  
Liz sighed, knowing living in New York could amount to a LOT of problems, but still she didn`t give up.  
  
"Mom, I saved up some money, when I worked my way through college. And once I get there and find a place to stay, I will look for a job. Don`t worry about me." said Liz, trying to pacify her mother.  
  
`It`s not like you even cared that much for me in the last years anyway...` sighed Liz silently.  
  
"Liz, sweetie, $5000 won`t get you far in city that big."  
  
"I know, but I just told you I`ll try and find cheaper place to live and some job as soon as I get there!" answered Liz, almost at the end of her patience.  
  
"And that baby of yours? You think someone will want to hire you while you`re pregnant?" asked Mrs. Parker her daughter.  
  
"Just leave my child out of this! You know as much as I do that she isn`t main reason why I`m leaving!" finally Liz lost it.  
  
This time, her mother stood still and silent, knowing exactly what Liz was talking about. So she just gave up and left the room. Liz sighed painfully. She really didn`t want to leave this house on a war front. No matter how their relationship was, they still loved each other very much. So Liz went after her mother hurriedly in the kitchen, where she was putting dishes away, lost look in her green eyes.  
  
Liz walked over to the sink and hugged her mother from behind. Her mother stopped every movement and covered Liz`s hand with her own.  
  
"Mom, you know I love you, right? You`re all I have left in this world." whispered Liz in her mother`s ear. She nodded.  
  
"It`s just...I have to get out of here for a while. I think everything just piled up on me and I need some breathing room. I promise to call you every week and you will get so much mail, soon you will be begging me to stop writing!" grinned Liz with tears in her eyes.  
  
Her mom hiccuped and laughed, shaking her head.  
  
"Sweetie, I`m just afraid I`ll lose you. You will move to another side of the country and forget completely about me!" cried her mother. Liz shook her head, nuzzling her mom`s cheek.  
  
"Never, mom! I could never forget about you. You are my mother and you will be grandmother to my child. There is nothing in this world that could make me forget you!" answered Liz emotionally.  
  
Mother and daughter hugged tightly, crying their hearts out.  
  
"After I get everything working there, in a month or two, I will send you some money, so you can come and visit me there, OK?" asked Liz.  
  
Her mom nodded, turned and splayed her palm tentatively over Liz`s stomach.  
  
"Look after my granddaughter, you hear?" Liz cried out, laughing at this almost forgotten face of her mother. OMG, how how she loved this woman!  
  
"I love you, momma..." her mom smiled tenderly.  
  
"I love you too, Lizzie. Take care of yourself and the little one. And remember to call me the moment you find a place to live, OK?" Liz nodded.  
  
Both women walked over to Liz`s room, Liz got her 2 bags and they drove to nearby bus station. After long drawn-out goodbye, Liz finally managed to enter the bus and soon was on her way to Big Apple,not even dreaming what she will find there.  
  
  
  
(b(And if I fall, I will find a way back to my hands  
  
I'm the only one who can help me find my feet again(/b( 


	3. Stuck in the moment

Part 3  
  
  
  
************************************  
  
  
  
You got to get yourself together,  
  
you got stuck in the moment and you can`t get out of it.  
  
Oh Lord, look at you know! You got yourself stuck in the moment  
  
and you can`t get out of it!  
  
... It`s a long way down to nothing at all...  
  
And if your night was over, and if the day won`t last,  
  
and if your wish would falter, along that stony past,  
  
It`s just a moment...this time will pass.  
  
/Stuck in the moment by U2/  
  
  
  
From the second bus was on its way from Roswell, Max was feeling uneasy. He couldn`t sit still, every few seconds he woud look either out the window, or down the aisle between seats. He felt something was about to happen, but he just didn`t know what. As they neared Albequerque, his feelings grew stronger. But Max did his best to try to ignore it completely.  
  
Finally, while he was immersed in reading, bus stopped at Albequerque station.  
  
Something made him look up and his eyes at once found their destination. There, on the other side of the bus, an angel stood. Her long brown locks caressed her shoulder blades, resting in a beautiful halo around her face. But there was something heartbreaking in her eyes...  
  
Max`s heart was dead for a long time now, but just watching her small form walking toward him, trying to fit 2 big bags in front of her at the same time, Max could actually feel smallest twitching in his chest. He firmly pushed that thought aside and stood up from his seat, moving toward the girl to help with her baggage.  
  
` I`m just being good-mannered guy, helping a beautiful woman. That`s all! I`ll just help out and watch my own business.` coached Max himself desperately.  
  
With that out of the way, he reached for her bags, as she stopped beside free seat, where Max sat. For a moment, as their hands touched, while he was taking bags from her hands, some energy flowed through their venes. Both looked exhilirated for a split second from the shock of it, as their gazes locked.  
  
But as soon as signs of the same feeling Max had, showed in her eyes, girl`s eyes blanked again. She looked at him, almost angry, and started mumbling in a half-voice.  
  
"Men! You all are the same! Can you NOT touch my bags, please? What`s next thing you`ll be asking of me? My body?"  
  
Max glanced at this woman, just a little out, but as he saw her hand rest on her stomach, he knew there must be more to this woman`s story. What could have happened to so young of a girl to make her this defensive?  
  
`Yeah, Evans, like you`re the one to judge that one! Look at your own life for the last 5 years!` thought Max bitterly to himself.  
  
  
  
Max stood silently by her side, as she tried to squeeze her bag in the compartment over their heads. Of course, her being not very tall didn`t help the situation. He so wanted to help her out, but instead, he just waited to be asked. About 20 seconds, after Liz almost burst into tears, when she was unable to reach the compartment, to stuff her bags in, she turned and just pushed her bags in his arms.  
  
Next thing, her defeated voice flowed through the air.  
  
"Can you out them up there?"  
  
He smiled gently at her and nodded, reaching up to put her bags in. Then he spoke for the first time.  
  
"You know, you can sit by the window, if you want. I`ll finish this and just sit by the aisle."  
  
Small, but somewhat confused smile was born on her full lips.  
  
She squeezed by him and sat by the window, looking him out of the corner of her eyes. He was too nice to her, for him to be real!  
  
`He probably wants something.` argued Liz to herself, determined to be as unfriendly with him as possible. `Oh, but his smile...` sighed Liz heavily, hating Sean more and more.  
  
Finally, Max sat down, while Liz leafed through the book he was reading prior to her arrival.  
  
"Friendly Guide to the Universe? You don`t struck me as man of the stars." grinned Liz. just a little more realxed, pointing to the book in her hands. Max glanced at it and shook his head, than pointed up.  
  
"You mean, from up north?" Liz nodded.  
  
"Well, there is just something out there that keep pulling me in. So much that might be waiting for us to discovered, you know?"  
  
`Not to mention the fact that my real life has been nonexistent for last couple years!` added Max sadly to himself.  
  
Liz nodded, knowing exactly how he felt, when talking about stars.  
  
"Yeah, I see where you`re coming from with this. By the way, I`m Liz. Liz Parker." reached Liz shyly over and stuck her hand toward Max.  
  
"Max Evans. And I actually graduated Astronomy!" finished Max with a grin, pointing at the offending book in question.  
  
Liz followed his finger, feeling little embarassed. So she smiled cutest of smiles, once again causing emotional chaos in Max`s chest. So much that he almost thought he was having a heart attack!  
  
`Yeah, Evans, thats what happens when you pull yourself from the world for such a long time!` mocked Max himself, at the same time being unable to look anywhere else other than in Liz`s eyes.  
  
"So, Max, where to?" asked Liz, curiosity in her beautiful brown eyes. Max couldn`t help but smile.  
  
"New York, city of dreams."  
  
`If I can forget the fact that I need new dreams as of now!` thought Max, feeling more than sorry for himself.  
  
Liz grinned, excitement in her moves.  
  
"Me too!!! Where are you from? If that`s alright to ask."  
  
Max nodded, enjoying himself more and more with this girl.  
  
"Roswell, New Mexico." said Max with a straight face, knowing EXACTLY what Liz`s reaction will be.  
  
"Roswell??? Where aliens crashed? THAT Roswell?" Max grinned and nodded, satisfied.  
  
"No wonder you`re interested in the stars...unless you`re an alien. You`re not, are you?" exclaimed Liz. Max shook his head, laughing out loud. She grinned back.  
  
"And you`re from Albequerque, I presume? Since you did, after all, enter the bus then..."  
  
She nodded aknowledging it, already completely immersed in their conversation. So, once introductions were made, two of them talked about everything and anything, from their life stories to their dreams and wishes for the future.  
  
Later, as hours passed by, and night had fallen, Liz, his wonderful companion, fell asleep with her head on Max`s shoulder and smile on her face. while Max`s arm was around her small form. And he smiled, glancing at her face with tenderness. Only one thought flew through his mind.  
  
** I wish this night would never end...**  
  
And then, slowly, he joined her in the sleep, while bus drove through the country toward their dreams. 


	4. I fear I have nothing to give

Part 4  
  
  
  
*****************************  
  
  
  
...but I fear I have nothing to give.  
  
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place.  
  
Tangled up in your embrace  
  
there's nothing I'd like better  
  
than to fall...  
  
  
  
As nature`s images flew by and dawn was breaking, Liz started to awaken. After opening her eyes,she couldn`t help but gaze at the man on her side. Oh, my...how much happiness also heartbreak could this man bring her...  
  
If she let herself feel for someone again, Max Evans would definitely be the one to win her heart.  
  
`In case her heart wasn`t already in his posession...` thought Liz to herself, closing her eyes.  
  
Not sure what else to do, Liz decided she needed to end this before it even began. Two of them could never be... Less hurt will be caused if she just left now.  
  
She glanced out the window, seeing one of bigger cities getting closer, and acted on autopilot from that point on. She extricated herself from Max`s embrace, easing from her seat, careful not to wake him up. She just hopped he won`t hate her.  
  
`Yeah, like once you get to New Yrok, there will even be the slightest chance you will see him ever again... Just break it off already, Parker!` ordered Liz to herself silently.  
  
She bowed down and took her bags, that Max got to her, on her insistance few hours before, and entered the aisle. Bus driver slowly parked the bus on the station and Liz finally arrived to the front of the bus, asking the driver where they are.  
  
"Miss, we`re just at the half of our journey to N.Y:C." sighed driver tiredly. Liz nodded.  
  
"If I wanted to get off now and take another bus, would I be able to get to N.Y. directly?" driver nodded 10 seconds later. Liz longingly glanced back at the sleeping face of Max Evans and cursed the fates that brought her love and pain at the same time.  
  
Maybe love wasn`t in the stars for her in this lifetime...  
  
She swallowed painfully, tears burning in her eyes, and asked driver to open the door. Slowly, Liz got outside and hurriedly walked inside the building, hoping bus would pull of in the next 15 minutes.  
  
After 20 minutes, her unwilling wish came true and bus was once again on its way to Big Apple. But looking into one of her bags, Liz was surprised to find that not everything Max`s was gone with him. There, on the bottom of her bag, "FRIENDLY GUIDE THROUGH UNIVERSE" layed. And Liz couldn`t help but cry painfully at the cards destiny dealt her. Now all she had was her child. And who knows... Maybe life will bring her and Max once again to each other.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile on the bus...  
  
  
  
He could feel it...the emptiness inside...It was ready to swallow him whole, but suddenly, from the darkness, a hand struck out, offering rescue. Carefully, he took it and a face came into view...LIZ PARKER. Then he opened his eyes, her name on his lips in a whisper.  
  
Once out of the dreamworld, Max couldn`t find Liz nowhere. He started turning toward the back of the bus, in an full-blown panic, but somehow he knew...She wouldn`t be found. In the last attempt of finding out her wherebeings, Max stood up from his seat and walked over to the driver.  
  
After all, if Liz left this bus, she would have gone pass the driver, right?  
  
When he arriver to the front of the bus, Max was trying his very best to stay calm, determined to find out what happened to Liz. He still was unable to believe she would just leave without a word...But then again, everyone left him at same point. At least, she didn`t stay long enough for him to care...  
  
`Keep telling that to yourself,buddy, and maybe one day you`ll believe it...`  
  
"Sir, can I ask you, do you remember pettite young woman, early 20-ties, leaving the bus?" ventured Max into questioning. Driver still concentrating on the road, stayed silent for a split moment.  
  
"You mean, that little angel of a girl you sat with?" asked driver casually, small grin on his face. That girl had the unseeming resemblance to his lovely wife of 35 years... Max nodded, hope in his eyes.  
  
`Poor guy...some people just don`t have luck in love.` thought driver grimly to himself.  
  
"She left this bus about half hour ago. Didn`t say nothing..." answered driver. Max aknowledged him, his worst fear coming true. She really left...  
  
With led in his feet, Max turned and walked to his seat. He glanced longingly out the window, tracing cold glass with his fingertips, and once familiar face in his mind`s eye. What were the odds of them meeting ever againin the city as big as New York?  
  
Filled with bitterness and inexplicable pain for the girl he hardly knew, Max slipped back into dreams, wishing to see Liz Parker once again. 


	5. In the absence of fear

Part 5  
  
  
  
********************************  
  
  
  
Inside my skin there is this space,  
  
It twists and turns, it bleeds and aches.  
  
Inside my heart there's an empty room,  
  
It's waiting for lightning, it's waiting for you.  
  
And I am wanting,  
  
And I am needing you here,  
  
Inside the absence of fear  
  
  
  
It was a hellishly hot day in New York City. Liz was standing in front of bus, just after climbing down the stairs and reluctantly looked around. People everywhere went about their daily affairs, noone really even registering her at all. Suddenly, she felt more alone than ever, in the middle of morning street rush. Drillers could be heard somewhere in the distance, cars were milling around, drivers banging their sirens like there was no tommorrow. But in spite of it all, Liz knew what was missing...MAX EVANS.  
  
Was it really the best to leave him? Without goodbyes?  
  
Liz still had no answer to that questions, though it seemed her entire existence somehow depended on it.  
  
Pushing thought of him in the back of her mind, she crossed the street, hurriedly walking toward the nearest store to buy papers. First thing she had to do was find a place to stay, she decided. Soon, papers in hand, Liz started browsing the adds, looking for appartment. Hours passed by, heat rising in the air, showing summer in its hottest edition.  
  
Little by little, realizing that her $5000 won`t get her far, Liz almost entered panicking mode. It was already 6 PM and she was still on the streets, bags in her hands and heart in her stomach. She needed to find an appartment immediately!  
  
Prayer on her lips, Liz glanced at the papers one last time,skimming the pages, fingertips following text of the last add there.  
  
*RENTING 2-ROOM APPARTMENT TO MAN AND A WOMAN URGENTLY! PRICE ADJUSTABLE!*  
  
At the end of the add stood address, and soon, after following the chart of the city she bought, Liz was on her merry way. Half hour later, she trudged slowly but deliberately toward her goal, still concentrating completely on the chart in her hand, trying her very best to not get lost. All of a sudden, first her forehead, than her body, came in hard contact with a strong, but clueless body, crashing them both on the floor. Somehow, in all the manuveurs they made in those 10 seconds, Liz finished in the heap on the top of that same body, still not knowing its owner.  
  
Both layed for a minute, eyes closed, breathing in and out, trying to regain a breathing pattern, after fall cut the air into their lungs. Finally, Liz looked up and once again stopped breathing. She couldn`t believe her eyes, as handsome featuresof one Max Evans came into view, as he still layed there, under her with his eyes closed, looking as if he was asleep, but sinningly beautiful at the same time. What were the odds of them meeting again? Slim to none, if Liz was to believe statistic, but then again, it seems that NO mathematics, higher or lower, could be really applyable to two of them.  
  
Slowly, like in a sleep, Max opened his eyes and his gaze found hers, almost unperceptably. First confusion hit him, then recognition and joy set in. Soon after followed anger and bitterness, like a long lost friends of his...  
  
As if she was expecting reaction like that from him, Liz tried to stand up as fast as possible, but his hands, although gentle, kept her trapped on top of his body, as their eyes locked onto each other. Silence between them was deafening and everything around seemed to fall away. None said a word for 5 minutes, though it felt like eternity. They just layed there, staring unbelieving in the others eyes, somehow willing the other to start talking and answering all those unasked question, that bubbled up in Max`s heart. Was fate trying to tell them something?  
  
Finally, in the end, it was Max that spoke first, words of accusation on his lips, sadness in his voice.  
  
"How could you just leave like that?" he whispered. But the real question was just a tad different. `How could you leave ME like that...`  
  
Loneliness was once again Max Evans` best friend.  
  
No sound came from Liz, as she layed there, still on top of him. There was nothing she could say really. She had to be strong for both of them, or in the end, both would suffer because of her weakness. So she kept silence as her shield and turned her head the other way. Liz knew how easy would be to fall for this man. Too easy.  
  
And once she did, there was no turning back. She would be his for all times...  
  
Slowly, Liz got up and Max followed. She stayed silent, shaking her head a little , as if trying to shake him out of her thoughts, but since he stood right there, in front of her, it was near mission impossible to achieve that. Standing there, Liz looked around and her gaze locked on what she was searching for. Papers once again in her hand, she finally turned toward Max and tried to make her own voice to work.  
  
"What are you doing here, Max?" He blinked at her question.  
  
"I just rented an appartment. Landlord is till waiting for the right woman to apply. You already found a place to stay, I assume..." countered Max, heaviness in his throat, waiting for her answer. She shook her head.  
  
"No, I was actually on my way to that same address when we, well, crashed into each other."  
  
Max nodded. So fates are putting them together once more?  
  
"Max, would you mind if we lived together? As roommates? I thought that money I saved would be enough for extensive stay in N.Y., but everything is so expensive here. And my feet are killing me..." sighed Liz, tiredness in her voice,close to pleading.  
  
"I have been searching for a place to stay all day, and this is the best add today. So would it be OK with you if I applied here?" breathed Liz out, hope in her eyes, as she waited for Max`s reaction.  
  
Max stood there for longest half minute in thought, and then he smiled, pointing her in the direction of the building. She started walking, but saw that Max was going in the opposite direction. Fear rose in her throat.  
  
"Max, where are you going?" Once again, he smiled warm smile. Liz almost melted on the spot, but played it cool.  
  
"Just to the store. Don`t worry, Liz...Go and take that other room. We`ll work it all out. I`ll be back in half hour." Liz nodded and walked inside the building.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Liz Parker was a proud rentner of a room in the families-packed building and a roommate of Max Evans. And just by closing her eyes and thinking about his amber gaze, his smile...she knew how hard will be to stay away from Max in close quarters like this. As she waited for Max to come back,Liz entered her room and went about unpacking.  
  
Another fifteen minutes passed by, and Liz stood by the open window and gazed at the sky, searching for stars, but none could be seen. At the same time,Max was nearing the building, carrying their first joint groceries. Suddenly, he stopped mesmerized and watched Liz as she searched the sky. She was most intriguing and beautiful woman he ever saw.  
  
There was just something about her...  
  
Max knew once couldn`t stargaze in the middle of New York, since the smog what mostly too tick to see anything, but once in a while miracles happen and when you least expect it, things you want most tend to surprise you. And so Max decided that he would just let things go at their own pace and hopped that, once Liz was comfortable in his company, he would offer his own friendship, if nothing else.  
  
Until then, all he could do really was just be there for her and open his heart to love...  
  
  
  
Inside the absence of fear.  
  
There is this hunger,  
  
This restlessness inside of me.  
  
And it knows that you're no stranger,  
  
You're my gravity.  
  
My hands will adore you  
  
through all darkness aim,  
  
They will lay you out in moonlight,  
  
And reinvent your name... 


	6. Krispy cremes are the way of life

Part 6  
  
************************************  
  
  
  
First morning in Parker-Evans home came all too soon. It was still little dark outside, raindrops hitting on the glass windows steadily. Still half asleep, Max glanced with one eye at the bedside clock. It cruelly shone in the red that it was 9 AM. He groaned, resting hand over his eyes for a second. God, who in the hell thought of that line "RISE AND SHINE, IT`S A BRAVE NEW DAY"???  
  
`Cause I don`t feel like rising till noon, I definitely don`t shine and who gives a damn about a brave new day this early anyway... ` sighed Max grudgingly in his mind. Out of nowhere, he heard insistant doorbell. Frown on his face, he slowly stood up.  
  
His bare feet slapped gently on the floor and soon he stood at the front door, hand on the doorknob, ready to open the door only in his boxers, and still sleep in his eyes. Doors opened and sleepily slured "HEY" over his lips, not even glancing out the door. After about a minute, he thought it weird that nobody said a word, so he finally woke up completely and next thing he knew, he was locking eyes with a pixie blonde girl, who`s mouth gaped open. He could swear there was even some drool on the corner of her mouth, but didn`t really register any of it.  
  
Anyhow, he smiled at the gaping girl and once again repeated HEY to her, but to no avail. She was still transfixed on his abs. Before she was able to snap out of her trans, tall, brunette guy with sunglasses still perched on his nose, walked out of the elevator, carrying a box of what seemed to be Krispy Cremes Donuts. Max noticed that smell of it MILES away.  
  
Slowly, but surely, guy throtted toward them, small shake of his head at the scene, and smirk on his lips. Max waved in front of the girl`s eyes, trying to snap her out of it. Finally Krispy Cremes carrying guy arrived and stood behind a girl. He nodded at Max with a smile and went to introduce himself.  
  
"Hey...morning! I`m Michael Guerin...from across the hall." said a man, pointing down the hall.  
  
Max shook hands with him, smilling back and introducing himself back.  
  
"Hey...Glad to meet you. I kinda hoped to sleep in this morning, being weekend and all, but..." grinned Max at Michael, pointing at the girl in front of him still staring. She looked frozen and in shock, but Michael just laughed and shook his head. He hugged pixie girl from behind and kissed her cheek lovingly. That seemed to somewhat snap her out of it.  
  
"Well, that`s my Maria for you. I think you just managed to render her speechless, and that doesn`t exactly happen a lot!" laughed Michael.  
  
"See, she is early riser, so it doesn`t surprise me she is here. She got excited yesterday when she saw two of you moving in yesterday, so she probably wanted to meet you two as soon as possible. I just never thought she would be drooling on your doorstep!" grinned Michael at Max. Max grinned back, happily falling in a banter with this guy. He almost felt like they didn`t met just 5 minutes ago.  
  
"Maria, honey...look what I got for you." stage whispered Michael into Maria`s ear.  
  
"Krispy Cremes...your favorite."  
  
Out of nowhere, grin was born on Maria`s lips and Max could swear he saw a distant twinkle in her eyes at the mention of donuts. After all, he could totally understand her. Who didn`t love Krispy Cremes? He ADORED them! Max would give his life for once now...thought Max to himself, and for a split moment, he could feel himself start to drool, and his stomach growled. Bot Michael and Max laughed at the sound, while Maria was happily chewing her first donut.  
  
"Well, it seems you`re hungry and I seriously doubt you have breakfast ready this early. Wanna donut?" asked Michael with a smile. Max stood little awkard.  
  
"Oh...I don`t wanna hog your Krispy Cremes. I will make some pancakes or something..." trailed Max for a second. Michael shook his head, thrusting donut box in Max`s face.  
  
"No way, man! Just take one, PLEASE. And mind you, this is just a suggestion, but maybe you could, you know...DRESS? Other way, soon you could have tones of girls drooling on your doorstep. It could make your girlfriend little restless..." winked Michael at swallowing Max, who just managed to digest his donut. Next thing, Michael was pulling Maria along toward their appartment. Max didn`t even have time to react to Michael`s girlfriend references.  
  
`Note to self : Talk to Michael about that and straight things out. Last thing I`d want was to scare Liz away...`  
  
Michael and Maria were almost inside the appartment, when Michael turned back and once again addressed Max.  
  
"Hey, Max...if you and that girl of yours want, Maria and I can show you around the town later...say around 3 PM?" inquired Michael. Max nodded and smiled at him and his still clueless girlfriend. Soon, doors closed behind the strange young couple.  
  
Max shook his head and closed the door to their own appartment, grin still stuck on his face. He padded over to the fridge and drank some milk, glancing out of the kitchen window. Sun was shinning like it never rained, causing his mood to lift little by little. Max silently padded back toward his bedroom, in search of some sweatpants and with mission in his mind to do something great for breakfast for their first day in the joint home. Once he left his room, he noticed Liz`s doors were wide open and he couldn`t resist to peek in. His gaze locked in and his heart melted at the sight. There she was...  
  
She layed innocent in that all too big bed of hers and he couldn`t but think what brought that small smile to her lips, even in her dreams.But he shook himself out of his musings and sighed, looking away and walking back toward the kitchen, sleeping petite brunette still heavily in his mind`s eye. If only Liz WAS his girlfiend...  
  
`I would take down the stars from the sky for her in a second and put them in her eyes`  
  
Max chuckled to himself silently at his own cheesiness. When did HE became cheesy? He was never like that when he was with...with Tess. God, Liz was only few days in his life and he already could say HER name, without wanting to die from guilt. Just thinking about Liz, he could feel himself smiling. It seemed she really was his salvation...Soon, he busied himself with breakfast preparations and listened to Dave Matthews "When the world ends" on the radio, happily breezing throughout the kitchen.  
  
About 15 minutes later, unbeknowst to him, pair of eyes watched his every move, every flexing of hisnaked shoulder blades, ashe took ingerdients out of the cupboards, with a bathed breath and utmost interest. He was just TOO handsome! Couldn`t heavens make it little easier on her to detach herself from this, well, HOT male?  
  
`And he was complete sweetie of a man too... ` thought Liz.  
  
But would he be so great if he knew she was carrying another man`s child? Or would he just be polite? She decided she couldn`t handle the latter, so her secret will have to stay just that for some time...a secret. Let the dream live for a little longer...  
  
Max turned around, finally zoning out of his thoughts and spying object of his affection at the kitchen doors. He smiled gently at her, waving her to take a seat, while he put finishing touches on the breakfast feast. Liz laughed at everything she saw on the table and that brought grin to Max`s face.  
  
"Pancakes, ma`m? And we have strawberry syrup to go with it..." winked Max at still laughing Liz. She nodded and soon her plate was overflowing with syrup.  
  
"Now, our specials on this fine morning were to be ham&eggs, but our cook came down with mysterious case of laziness and didn`t make any eggs, and what is ham without eggs, right? SO...as a result, we have no ham either." grinned Max playfully at Liz. He just loved to see that smile on her face... Of course, she once again laughed out loud, merriment in her eyes, feeling herself falling more and more in love with Max Evans.  
  
Finally, Max sat down and started to eat with Liz, and soon, he wastelling her everything about a strange couple from down the hall later and fe w minutes later, only laughter resonated through their home. 


	7. Whats there to love

Part 7  
  
******************************  
  
(b(Everytime I`m close to you, there`s too much I can`t say, and you just walk away.  
  
And I forgot to tell you I love you, and night`s too long, and cold here without you....(/b(  
  
  
  
Still trying to keep her eyes open, Liz rested her forehead on the cold porcelain of the toilet seat. Just after catching her breath, in the quietness of morning, sounds of silent retching bounced of the bathroom walls. Max was already gone 20 minutes ago to the nearby pastry shop to get them donughts and cappucinnos, so Liz wanted to use this time to christen the toilette with a brave new morning of sickness. Oh, the greatness of pregnancy...  
  
Just as she was about to wash it all away, jingling of keys at their front doorwas heard. With panic in her eyes, Liz flushed and as fast she could stumbled around the bathroom using mouth water and making herself presentable.  
  
"Lizzie?" his husky voice rang through the hallways. Liz hurried out of the bathroo, throwing one last look in the mirror, shaking her head sadly. She HATED still keeping this a secret! Especially from Max.  
  
One of these days she would tell him. Yeah, one of these days...  
  
"Sweetie...?"  
  
Max prowled the appartment, searching for Liz. She heard him loud and clear. There was something else in his voice. Panic. Fear. Something happened.  
  
Liz slowly closed bathroom door and walked in the living room, just in time to bump into strong body of Max himself. Luckily, he reacted instinctively and caught her just before she hit the ground.  
  
For a moment, both of them stopped breathing, gazes locking and Liz couldn`t help but think that this felt as deja vu. Few seconds later though, Max let Liz with aching slowness stand on her own and she stepped back couple steps, two of them acting as if nothing happened. But love couldn`t be fooled...There was just something in the ait between them. Liz met Max`s gaze again, and she saw adoration in his eyes...and sadness, that came after their parting. She should tell him right now. While she had the guts for it.  
  
Max cleared his throat, suddenly tips of his sneakers the most interesting thing in the world.  
  
"Max, what is it?" inquired Liz gently. He looked up, meeting her eyes.  
  
"Are you OK?"  
  
He tenderly traced her smooth cheek, probably not even realizing he was doing it. Liz closed her eyes for a second, his touch so intimate on her skin. Finally, she nodded uncertainly.  
  
"Why, Max? Is something wro- "  
  
Next thing she new, she found herself wrapped tightly in his desperate embrace. His entire body was so tense. She could feel his accelerated heartbeat, as her cheek met his chest. Something definitely got him spooked.  
  
"Max, you are starting to scare me! Tell me what`s wrong, please."  
  
She could hear his heavy breathing, as he fought to inhale and exhale, shivering slightly.  
  
"It doesn`t matter now. It`s only important to me that you`re OK. As long as you`re here, that`s all that matters..."  
  
Still, he wasn`t letting her out of his arms. Although if she allowed herself to think it, she loved him even more for holding her so tightly.  
  
LOVE? Was she even worth it of his love?  
  
Last 4 weeks of their life together were maybe the best period in her life, although two of them weren`t in a relationship. Still, she somehow felt more loved than ever before. There was something very special about being in Max Evans` embrace. It was as if he emited love through pores of his skin and not even realizing it, shot it directly into her heart. Before she came to her senses, she fell deeply for him.  
  
Yes, she loved him...SO MUCH! But would he love her if he knew? That unsureness was like a wall that separated her and utter bliss. She didn`t know how to get over that damn wall!  
  
Once again, Liz stepped almost panicly out of Max`s arms and without a word, hurried past him toward the front door, taking his jacker with her.  
  
Max stood stunned for a moment, his arms suddenly cold and empty. Right then he heard front door slam. He willed his legs to work and ran after her. "Liz! Lizzie, wait!" yelled Max as he ran down the stairs, jumping two steps at the time.  
  
"Liz, stop...PLEASE!" beged Max, just as she ran out of the building, and on to the street. He saw it, but there was nothing to be done. Nothing HE could`ve done.  
  
Very moment she stepped off the sidewalk, out of nowhere, car drove straight at her.  
  
"(b(LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZ!!!(/b(" cried Max in agony, as he saw her hit her head on the hard asphalt. His legs blindly carried him toward her unmoving body.  
  
Driver stopped his car and got out of it still in shock. Where did that girl come from?  
  
"Sir, she just ran out of nowhere! I triedm I really tried to brake, but there was no time anymore. She just..."  
  
Man just slumped down by his car, fear in his eyes for the poor girl.  
  
"Liz. Lizzie...sweetie...wake up! Baby, please, WAKE UP..."  
  
Max gently cried, as he cradled her face. He felt something warm on his fingers on the back of her head. Praying it wasn`t blood, he knew it would be exactly that.  
  
"No, no...Please, you have to wake up! You can`t die on me now! I...I love you..." cried Max in a whisper, tears running down his cheeks unchecked.  
  
Somewhere, in the distant background, he thought he heard sirens, but he couldn`t be sure. He wasn`t sure of anything anymore. Was living in this world worth it, if she wasn`t around? Someone tried to pull him off Liz, as ambulance came to the scene, and personnel ran out of the vehicle.  
  
Max fought a little, doing his best to ignore person behind him, but suddenly, one more hands managed to pull him away and make space for doctors.  
  
"Maxwell, hold on! They will try to do what they can. They`ll help her, but you need to give them space to work!" whispered Michael in Max`s ear, trying to get him to think clearly for a second, which wasn`t easy task to do.  
  
He knew how Max felt about Liz. It would kill this poor man if she didn`t make it... And at the same time, he had Maria, crying her eyes out over her best friend on his shoulder. Two women developed extremely close friendship since Max and Liz moved in. Even Michael himself adored Liz. Getting under Michael`s skin was, well, for the lack of a better word, impossible, He pronounced himself Hermit of the year while he was still in highschool, letting only Maria know him, but Liz still wormed her way in, Max following close behind.  
  
Michael, who had no siblings growing up, found his sisterly surogat in Liz Parker, who accepted that role with smile. Sure, their relationship was funny one at times, but still, such a level of emotion was present in their day-to-day communication.  
  
Five minutes later, still unconcious Liz was put in the ambulance and Max broke away from Michael, wanting to go after her, but Michael held him back.  
  
"Max, let them go. We know where they`re taking her. We`ll follow them, OK?" reasoned Michael with Max, who just stood there...lost.  
  
All he saw was Michael`s face moving in front of his eyes, and his mouth opening and closing, but he couldn`t hear a thing. He felt so cold. So...alone.  
  
He wanted nothing more then to lay down and die. (b(HE DID THIS!(/b( It was all his fault! If he didn`t ran after her...  
  
Endless trails of silent tears ran down Max`s cheeks.  
  
Michael decided to take situation into his own hands and he put both Max and Maria in the car, and started driving after the ambulance, silent prayer on his lips. He glanced at bawling Maria in the front seat, her head leaning on the window. Then he glaced at Max, sitting on the back seat, still staring ahead.  
  
He directed his eyes back onto the road, continuing to pray even harder for some divine intervention, cause there were two more lives at stake now. Was there still any hope? 


	8. Im with you

A/N : Guyz, I wanna thank everyone that left some feedback on previous chapters. :) It really means a lot to me, cause I`m not writing this story for me only. It feels really good that readers enjoy it too. :D Thanks again, guyz! :-D  
  
Part 8  
  
  
  
*******************  
  
  
  
I`m looking for a place searching for a face is there anybody here I know cause nothing`s going right and everything`s a mess and no one likes to be alone  
  
Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't someone please take me home? It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won`t you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new I dont know who you are but I'm, I'm with you...  
  
/"I`m with you" by Avril Lavigne/  
  
  
  
**2 hours later, at local hospital, ICU**  
  
Waiting room was crowded, when Michael entered it, shortly after being called to the front desk. Birocracy was tough pill to swallow for any man, but considering the situation they found themselves in, Michael wished people would just leave them alone. Still, insurance papers had to be filled, family had to be contacted, and since Max and Maria were out of commision at the moment, Michael took it upon himself to get that all done.  
  
Fortunately, surgeons did their magic couple hours ago in the ER, but to tell the truth, Michael knew it was touch and go for some time in that operating room. And all the blood...He never realized so much blood could get out of someone`s body and still leave them breathing. But he knew he would NEVER get the image of Liz Parker, half-dead on that table, out of his mind. And at that moment, he knew. If he never did anything good in his life again, he will do his best to bring Liz Parker, who was at the moment still unconcious, back into realm of the living.  
  
It was strange...feeling this numb. He knew that it probably hasn`t hit him yet how difficult situation really was, but still, it felt really unnerving. Did that mean Liz wasn`t as important as she was to Max and Maria? Would he be judged? Would Liz thought of him differently if she saw him now? Thinking back to Liz`s still body, he prayed to God it never will.  
  
He glanced to his right, where Max sat, still staring with unfocused eyes at the wall. He hasn`t moved in a while now, and knowing some of Max`s past and the reason he moved to N.Y., Michael couldn`t but fear next days, as Liz fought to stay alive.  
  
Around the corner came Maria, sniffing a little, trying to wipe her tears away enough to see where she was going. As much as she along felt for Liz and loved the girl, her heart completely broke for Max. Life just wouldn`t let him breathe, it seemed. He just looked so desolate, soul tortured.  
  
On the chair beside him sat Michael, her favorite boy. Who would`ve thought he would be the one to stay collected in such situation?  
  
Maria nervously looked at her wristwatch, realizing that 45 minutes passed by without any news on Lizzie. She couldn`t silence little annoying voice inside her mind, that kept chanting that shit was looking for the fan like a man possesed. Will the little one be OK? Thousand scary thoughts roamed around her concious. Somebody shook her suddenly and brought her back to reality.  
  
"Maria, do you know if Liz is allergic to any antibiotic?" She shook her head negatively.  
  
"Does that mean she isn`t allergic to anything, or you don`t know?"  
  
She rolled her eyes mentally. Men were so clueless sometimes...  
  
She stuck two fingers in the air, answering that she didn`t know. Should she mention her doubts about Liz`s pregnancy? Glancing ar Max, she decided against it, hoping for a 100th time today she made the right decision.  
  
Frustrated, Michael stood up, finally finished with stupid forms. Birocracy! Wasn`t the point of hospitals to preserve your health, not take away your will to live, after you have to fill up 200 different forms, and your family was on the edge between life and death in the next room? He tiredly rubbed hand over his eyes, feeling another migrane coming.  
  
He stuck his hand with papers over, at nurses desk, giving them to the nurse. Young woman in her early thirties smiled sympathetic smile at him, knowing his friend was still in critical condition.  
  
"Excuse me, miss..." She looked up from the stack of papers in front of her.  
  
"Is there any new on Liz Parker`s condition? She was brought in with-"  
  
He hoped so hard...then she shook her head, hating herself for having nothing encouraging to say to him yet. She knew from previous work experiences, that head injuries were tricky thing. Sometimes people didn`t have almost no consequences after the injury, but sometimes bad things happened to good people. And there wasn`t anything she could do, to change that. 


End file.
